um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
