mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
