Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
