i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
that may or may not have been my penis.
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