break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
