wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
