Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
