Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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