moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
