I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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