And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize