So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
