it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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