i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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