Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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