I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize