Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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