I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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