How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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