I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i love accidental penises.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
