but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
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