He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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