We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
