erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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