Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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