I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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