i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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