if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize