she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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