i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The best revenge is premature balding
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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