I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This baby is an asshole
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
