The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
