I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
