I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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