At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
