Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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