oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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