just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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