now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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