dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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