The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
