im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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