kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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