We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
