tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
