I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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