Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
