The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
