Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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