I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
