It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
