Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
