all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
