Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
