Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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