Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me I should be a condom model.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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