Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just invented taco cereal.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
