Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
