i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
