wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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