I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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