I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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