Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
