Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
