i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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