I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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