Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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