Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
