If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
