It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
