My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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