i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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