I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
