they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
