Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
