Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
